10 parenting skills that can be transferred to the workplace

As I've previously mentioned my return to work is nearly here and I have a big nauseating knot in my stomach whenever I think about it.  I'm trying not to think about it but of course it's there like a big black cloud looming over the horizon.  But when I'm thinking of my return to work I always come back to the same topic about how undervalued parents are in the workplace which was also compounded further when I read an article from the pantomime villian that is Nigel Farage and how working mothers are worth less to their employers in the city.  So I thought I should list some of the skills that I've developed whilst having kids just in case anyone wonders what a parent can add to their team.  Many of these skills are being used on a daily basis although a couple of them still need refining!

1. Negotiation skills - In my work this is vital especially as I'm in the sales team.  My negotiation skills are worked on a daily basis and they aren't always successful but I'm persevering and hoping that everyone will come round to my way of doing things soon.
2. Picking my battles - As well as negotiation I think as a parent you have to learn which battles to pick.  You can't win them all and that's an important truth so you must pick those battles that mean the most to you and stick to your guns!
3. Tolerance / Patience - Ok, always a work in progress and much like how tiredness affects toddler behaviour, tiredness affects my patience and tolerance levels!  If I'm tired then the fuse is certainly shorter but my patience is developing especially as we find new ways to cope with toddlerhood!  Some techniques work more than others and it's a constant learning curve to see what works and what doesn't....
4. ... Which leads to Creativeness - I'm not just talking about creativeness when it comes to drawing butterflies, bees or doing some baking but creative thinking and ways round situations.  And so much of this is done whilst you're under pressure.
5. Backing down - I'm sure my husband could count on one hand how often I've backed down in the last 10 years! So this has been a big learning for me but one that is useful.  I don't back down when I'm offering an ultimatum even though that would be easier in some situations but there are times when a swift back down can help everyone.
6. Not holding a grudge - If I've ever had a problem or falling out with a person in the past then I would struggle to carry on as normal with that person and always have to avoid eye contact.  But since having a toddler and dealing with tantrums / behaviour I've learnt to let a grudge go.  Once a time out has been spent or a sorry been said then I think it's best to get on with our day than let the annoyance get to me.  It's much better than letting small moments ruin whole days but this is a work in progress especially if my daughter has said sorry but her body language says she couldn't give a damn.
7. Extreme Multitasking - So currently it's lunchtime and I have napping children whilst also doing and hanging up washing, emptying the dishwasher, getting the bags ready for this afternoon, eating lunch, making meals and writing a blogpost!  It's amazing how many plates you can spin at one time and yes sometimes you may drop one but you pick yourself up and carry on.
8. Listening skills - This is such an undervalued skill in work places and life in general.  Listening is vital with a toddler especially when they start to speak.  You have to tune into their words and what they are trying to communicate to you.  I would say that since she's really started babbling my listening skills have really improved, it's amazing what toddlers can teach you!
9. Organisational skills - This was always one of my strengths pre children and it's a strength now in a different way the only downside is that it's let down by my appalling memory!
10. Perseverance - Perseverance to play the long game.  As a parent doing nap training or teaching manners you don't know that they are going to be worth it but you have a hunch that it will be worth it in the long run so you persevere and keep going.

Of course there are a few things that I shouldn't transfer to the business environment:

1. Bribery - Pretty sure if I do this at work that I'd end up in jail!  And I'm not sure how much adults will do what I want for stickers!  I'm finding that stickers in my pocket or bag can help many situations and do often say "do this, that or the other and I'll give you a sticker", wonder how long this will last!
2. Kisses - A kiss and a cuddle from mummy can work wonders but I don't think that offering kisses in a work environment will do me much good! 
3. The naughty step - Although it would be great to put some people on the naughty step at work I don't think it would be widely appreciated.  Plus people prefer to get the lift anyway.

Memory

I've been meaning to write this post for a while but, er, I keep forgetting.  And that's just my point I have the most awful memory and it's getting worse at the moment.  Luckily I am actually a very organised person but then my memory lets me down completely.  So I'll know it's someones birthday but then forget to get a card, or have the card and forget to get a stamp or forget what date it is so forget to send a message. I'm taking cod liver oil and eating plenty of salmon to try and get omega 3 to try and improve my brain power but currently it's doing nothing.  There are two things that are irritating me most about my memory...

Firstly, it's shopping.  I can make a list but two things that are guaranteed to happen I forget things from the list and then I forget to put things on the list.  So I end up having to go to the supermarket several times a week which is not only annoying me but my husband and the family budget.  This week alone I went to get nappies but forgot formula, so then went to get formula but need to get food for the weekend!! And as I mentioned shopping with a toddler in the high street can be a nightmare so when I go to town to get shampoo I was relieved that we survived however I then remembered that I forgot to get shower gel.  This is becoming a never ending cycle of forget, remember, shop, remember what else I forgot... Argh!!  I need to make several lists and maybe start doing some more internet shopping, although when I do internet shopping you guessed it, I forget items and then end up having to go into the shops anyway!!

Secondly it's friends.  I hate flakiness and people who double book so you can imagine how much more annoying it is when it's me that has become flaky.  Forgetting to write dates in my diary and then realising I have two things on on the same day, or reading a message and then forgetting to reply. It is so frustrating.  It's frustrating when it's to friends with children but even more frustrating when it's to friends who don't have children.  If you are lucky enough to have some friends who still treat you like the same old you that you were before children and make a great effort with your children then you really shouldn't let these friends down.  Friendships change when you have children, as much as you can try and prevent it, it happens so like I say these friends that still see the old you are the ones to be valued most.  This part of my memory I can resolve much easier but just actually writing things down in my diary straight away rather than being lazy and waiting until later when later never comes.

Has anyone else suffered with a poor memory too? It's it the result of bearing children or is it the result of having children and having constant things on your mind? I really hope it improves soon because I don't want to have to do 3 shopping trips a week for a start I can't afford it and secondly I don't want to lose any friends!  Hopefully they'll understand that I am just rubbish in general and it's not to do with one person!

Shopping with a toddler

So shopping with a toddler in a high street shop (I.E. not supermarket shopping where you have a trolley) should be renamed extreme shopping.  It's such hard work!!

After a library trip we headed into town to get a coffee and a babycino (I think these are cute and my daughter loves them!) and then go into a couple of shops.  My first mistake was not having the second seat on my Phil and Teds pushchair to stick her in if required and my second was not having any stickers to hand (note if you have a toddler keep stickers in your pocket AT ALL TIMES!).  So into Superdrug we go, my third mistake was saying "don't touch that", I should have remembered from my swimming teacher training that all my child is going to hear is "touch that".  So I was duly ignored and she grabbed everything; lipsticks, moisturiser, sanitary towels and I tried to remain calm especially to the peering public, then she grabbed the cotton wool pads and realised I actually needed those!  And like a light bulb moment I suddenly had a brainwave - I needed to occupy her. Cue asking her to hold not one but two things for me, one for each hand!  She did try and pop one under her underarm to free a hand but we moved round the shop quickly. We managed to get round the shop unscathed and managed to walk back to the car whilst she carried on holding onto my make up remover and cotton wool (don't worry I did take them off her to pay!) which was brilliant until we got to the car and I took them back again and she screamed "MINE, MINE, MINE!" oh well, you can't win them all!

It would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that I have an awful memory and always forget something that I need to buy so have to repeat the whole process tomorrow!  I will try to remember stickers and to occupy her hands!

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Gamechangers

My parenthood mantra is "it's just a phase" which I think describes it well although it's sad that sometimes the good bits are just phases as much as the bad bits.  Nothing ever stays the same for too long with children which is all part of the fun but every so often something comes along and changes the game.  For example when they start crawling (we're waiting for our son to master this one which will be great because he is so frustrated) or climbing out the cot.  Luckily we haven't got to the second one yet with my daughter and hopefully I haven't jinxed that!!

Our recent gamechangers are both with our 2 year old daughter who I think has had a growth spurt.  Our door handles seem to be quite high as she has been able to reach them in other houses for a while but not ours... Until now, she can open doors and let herself in and out and around the house, perhaps its time for more stair gates.  She has been pretty good but I can guarantee that she won't be in the same room when I get back if I go and do something now.  Yesterday when I was in the kitchen she went upstairs and got her brother a new bib because his was wet.  This was quite sweet really but reminded me even when I'm downstairs we must shut the stair gate at the top of the stairs and perhaps get one at the bottom now which we didn't need before because we could shut the doors on the front room!  I think we'll see how she gets on with this new "freedom" before we put gates on at the bottom too. 

The other game changer we've had with her is where we put her for "time out".  Our safe place to put her when she'd been naughty had been her cot as we'd tried the naughty step but she wouldn't sit still and there was no where else in the house to leave her.  This worked amazingly for us and didn't put her off going to bed for naps or bedtime as I think she knew the difference of going there.  But now if the threat is offered of her cot she's happy...! Obviously not the intended response!  This is because she's discovered what a great trampoline her bed is and if I'm not there she can jump around as much as she wants!  So the game is changed and the place has to change because she now sees it as a reward rather than being disciplined.  So I've started the naughty step which she is now sitting still on but doesn't seem that upset about sitting there unless I don't turn the light on.  And this is the thing when she went to her cot she understood and was sorry, she realised it was a consequence of her actions but on the step she's just not bothered.  She'll sit there for a long time (I used it as a chance to hang up the washing without any "help"!) and she said sorry then went back and did the thing that she was there for again! So we do it again and I ask if she understands and she then says "yes" and takes her punishment and when I come back I get those "I don't give a damn eyes" which I find just obnoxious! I could shout to make her understand but I don't want her to fear me, just respect our discipline and rules but I guess it's earned rather than automatic and we're playing the long game.  So I'll have to put up with that look for a lot longer but hopefully being consistent with rules and consequences we will get there eventually!!

I'm sure our next game changer will be our 9 month old soon moving which will be great not to have him so frustrated but mean a whole new world of "NO" and chasing round after someone who's bound to go in the opposite direction of his sister.  On the plus side it may help me lose the rest of the baby weight.

Mind the (age) Gap

As a parent there are certain topics that seem to spark hot debate; weaning, routines, discipline, dummies...  I could go on.  Obviously another big topic is the age gap between children.  My husband and I have a 15 month gap between our children and we love it.  Despite it being a planned gap (we know how lucky we are) it took me until some time after he was born to be completely comfortable with the age gap and know that we had made the right decision. A lot of this worry I had came from the reactions I got from people when I told them I was pregnant or people who didn't know me and saw a big bump and a young toddler.  The reactions ranged from "you're brave" and "I couldn't do it" to "oh you didn't waste much time" along with some people asking "was it planned?".  The problem is I also didn't know how to respond to these and still don't when people ask our age gap and give a reaction similar to the above.  Brave I'm not but I also don't think I'm stupid for having a relatively small gap between my children.  And when people say "oh you didn't waste much time" - What does that even mean?  I think when people say this to me I just stand speechless.  And when people ask if he was planned, yes thank you he was but it is also inappropriate people who have asked this question, my neighbour (who also told me his daughter was trying for another baby) and a colleague at work!

Our age gap isn't perfect for everyone for what ever reason but it has been perfect for us.  Some people I'm sure think that our toddler is missing out on attention from us but if that's true then all subsequent siblings must be missing out on attention but in our circumstance it actually means the opposite.  If we didn't have another then I would still be at work then she would be in full time day care but being on maternity I get to spend more time with her whilst she's young which was one major reason for having another.  We knew we could (just) financially afford it which I know not everyone can and were lucky enough that it happened for us, not a day goes by that we're not thankful for that.

It frustrates me so much in parenting more so than in any other aspect of life that some people think if you're doing it differently to them then it must be wrong, but we're all different with different circumstances.  There are all sorts of reasons for people having the age gap that they do between children and it's an incredibly personal thing.  When people make these remarks most of the time they're not thinking, like if they see a married couple and ask why they don't have children, for all they know they could have been trying for years.  If anyone has any great come backs for me then they would be welcome!  I need something to come back against the negativity!!  I just wish I hadn't spent so long fretting about the age gap and feeling guilty for my first born but then I think that's common whatever the age gap to worry because it's the unknown of what's about to happen and how the family dynamics will change.

Maternity... It's nearly over

So this week I'm officially no longer on maternity leave and I'm on annual leave.  Usually when you're having holiday days at work these days are brilliant, you're getting paid but you're not at work but sadly being on holiday means that I'm no longer on maternity leave and soon I'm going to have to say goodbye to my kids everyday.

I respect mum's who make a decision to work or not and do what is best for them, their family and their situation.  But sadly I have to go to work and I think this is why I feel a bit of resentment about going back and not spending the time with my children.  It will be fine, I've done it once before and I'm not remotely worried about the children!  They are going to be at a wonderful nursery and I know that this environment is really good for them both socially and emotionally but I feel like I'm going to miss out on so much as well as having to put to deal with two very tired children on a weekend.

I think this return to work is harder for a few reasons, for a start I'm not pregnant so it doesn't feel short term!  But also having a toddler we have such a lot more interaction than when she was a baby and she's becoming so chatty, I also have a life when on maternity as we do things in the day (such a puddle jumping!) and socialising with friends.  When I return to work it feels like it takes over and I don't see my mummy friends as much.  But this time I resolve to taking more afternoons off to meet up with friends to ensure that I keep my much valued support circle and my children see their friends who they've become so fond of.  This will all take some adjustment for us all and I'll update you on how we're all getting on but how have other people found their return to work? Or are you looking forward to returning to work? I'd really like to hear other peoples work stories.

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Friday Favourites... Lamaze toys

This weeks favourite is Lamaze toys.

Lamaze toys are great!  I love them and more importantly my children love them!  I was first introduced to Lamaze when someone sent us an Elephantunes toy when our daughter was born.  This so was so well timed, she was 6 weeks old and couldn't take her eyes off it, it was the first time that we were able to eat our dinner without being interrupted!!

This Elephant has crinkly ears and the legs make nice noises.

Once my daughter was a few weeks older we decided she needed some more toys and she loved the elephants crinkly ears so I stood in John Lewis feeling for the crinkliest toys and there was Freddie the Firefly.  He has crinkly wings that are black and white on the reverse, teething rings and makes a noise when you shake him.  Our daughter loved him!

Another great Lamaze present we received when our daughter was born was the wrist rattles and feet finders.  These are great for developing eyes and ears and are a great present.  Both our children have loved wearing them and searching for what is rattling as well as trying to chew it!

We have all of the above in our house plus a few more lamaze toys!  I think they are great for children's development without being too garish for mums!!  They are great presents for any friends that have had children.

Do you have a favourite lamaze toy?