Getting it wrong

So I'll start at the end. The end of a long day.

I stood in the car park of the nursery and arrived at the same time as a lovely friend of mine. She is one of my nct friends as well as a nursery companion. Her eldest son and my daughter have known each other since birth which is lovely. She knew, she knew as soon as she looked at me and asked about work how emotional I was. I managed to fight the tears... Just. But talking to her made me feel so much better (don't you love people who can do this) but she also made me realise I had been totally unprepared for nursery. I had got work sorted, I got nursery sorted but I wasn't mentally ready for the challenge of re balancing work and home life but more specifically when they crash together like thunder.

Let me start from the beginning. My third week of work but little mans second day at nursery as my husband did the childcare for the first two weeks. I woke up from a really angry, frustrating dream. The type where no one is listening no matter how much you shout or swear. But it was one of those dreams where it really affects you and you can feel it flowing through you. Never the less once I was up and dressed it was time to start the day. My son had been moaning off and on during the evening, we had a few cuddles and couple of burps then just left him. We presumed it was because he'd had his first day and his routine hadn't been followed as requested. But once I was showered and dressed I went in to see my son. Yuk, there's something in the air, light on, yes there it was he was surrounded by sick. Well not surrounded, there wasn't much there but he needed a shower and cuddles (the shower was most definitely coming first). Once I did this I gave him his bottle and got him dressed. Seeing the sick I realised that there was kiwi in it and last time he had kiwi he was sick so I felt from instinct that it wasn't a bug but rather a reaction to this food. So into the car we get me the boy and the girl and I drop them at nursery. After deliberating I told nursery about the sick and to avoid kiwi in future.

But as I drove away from the nursery I was questioning whether I'd done the right thing. My children come first above all else but I'd just left my son who wasn't 100% in their care not mine and driven to work. I felt sick and emotional. I got to work feeling awful, am I doing the right thing? Is he ok? So I set up my computer then did what any self respecting mum of two would do.... I hid in the toilets and cried. I cried a lot, I took my time and then needed to keep reminding myself of "deep breaths" throughout the morning.

You see I'm not very good at changing plans. Never have and probably never will be. So when I'm planning to go to work that's where I'm going and a sick child changes that. Obviously I go with the change, the children come first. But then there are days like this that are grey areas and what do you do? I'd rather be looking after my son but I'm mentally prepared for work so I find it hard to change. So when I spoke to my friend she reminded my how when her son started nursery at the same time as my daughter she didn't get to have a full week at work for 3 months due to him having so many ill days. She said she was already
preparing for this with number 2 and there was the realisation. I had completely failed to do this. I thought of it a bit but hadn't really prepared myself for the bugs and the days off with a poorly child. This is bad planning really and good advice to any parent putting their children into day care to make sure they do prepare for it.

So there it is, getting it wrong second time round. After a good nights sleep I woke up brighter and mentally prepared myself to be prepared to change the days plans at a moments notice.