Reflections on 9 months with two children

Finishing my second maternity leave has left me in a very reflective mood and I've tried two or three times to write this post and in different formats but always got stuck.  I feel most reflective on how I felt when I went on maternity leave to the place where I am now and it almost feels like two different people.  I think trying to write this post several times has been good because it's jogged my memory about how I really was 9 months ago and how I was feeling.

As I wasn't blogging then (such as shame because it would be really good to actually have written about our impending changes) I will start from the beginning.  I went on maternity leave at 38 weeks pregnant and I was big!!  I'm only 5ft1" and unknown at the time but when the little man came out at 41 weeks he was 8lb13oz - I remember looking at him and just wondering how on earth he fitted in there.  So I was really uncomfortable and I was tired.  I think it's such a shame that most women can't sleep that well during pregnancy, we don't need the "practice" etc, we need the rest! Especially in subsequent pregnancies, they are so much harder on your body as you don't naturally rest as much because you have another one to look after.  By the time my maternity leave came I was ready for it and luckily we had decided to keep our little girl in nursery for the first month and I'm so pleased we did.  At the end of the pregnancy I felt like I was an awful mother because I just didn't have the physical capabilities that I had (I really missed giving her a tight cuddle) and I was worried about all the changes that were about to happen.  Once the little man came out I immediately felt better, I could suddenly move more easily, I could give her cuddles and strangely had more energy - I guess that big baby wasn't weighing me down anymore!!  But I still worried about what all these changes were going to do to number 1 - were we going to ruin her life by bringing in a sibling, especially one so close in age? Would our lovely mother / daughter bond be broken for ever? Was I ever going to cope with two? Were we all going to survive until the end of my maternity leave? Will I sleep again?  Will number 2 be colicky? Will he get into a routine as easily as number 1? And the endless questions went on... and on.... and on....

Having spoken to my friends I think this is completely normal as most people seem to worry about how the dynamics are going to shift when another child comes along.  Obviously it's usually something that people have wanted all along but as the saying goes "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" so if your dynamics work with one why would you have a second? Of course you have to think more long term but when hormones get involved that's very difficult and sometimes the worrying can take over about whether you're doing the right thing or not.  I also think being at work I was very isolated as I didn't really see my "mummy" friends that I had seen a lot and didn't know that the phases that number 1 was going through at 15 months were completely normal and she wasn't becoming really naughty, she just wasn't going to say yes to everything right away.  Having this network set back up when I went on maternity leave really helped, I honestly believe sometimes that good friends can save you from therapy!

And of course here we are 9 months later with two wonderful children.  A 9 month old and a 2 year old, they both survived and so did both parents and our marriage!  We did sleep again, around the 12 week mark which I'm thankful for as having two is exhausting.  Number 2 wasn't colicky and he did get into a routine like number 1.  In some ways he didn't do it as easily as she did but in other ways such as by giving him the dummy the routine actually came easier.  We also managed to then take away the dummy as that was another thing I overly worried about.  I'm not going to lie, there were / are tough times / long days...  My mind is taken back to a few particular instances; number 1 falling off the sofa a couple of times whilst I was feeding and she was trying to get up; number 1 crying and pulling at my legs whilst I'm trying to change number 2 who's also crying at the top of his voice especially before bedtime; His 6 week check when he had a meltdown (guess what the doctors were running late) because he was hungry then she wanted "up" - there was no where for her to come up to because I was on a little chair and then this led to a double meltdown in public. Luckily the doctor gave us her treatment room to hide in (feed) and sort ourselves out but that was a hard morning. But we developed ways to deal with these tricky times for example feeding on the big bed especially when number 1 was tired - there is room for everyone and room to give cuddles, so she's much less likely to fall down.  We got into bath / bed time routines which actually worked better for everyone than before and well the doctors... That's still annoying!  We waited 1/2 hour before our appointment this morning and although no meltdown I did have a lively, loud toddler running around.  I did get a few looks from doctors when they came to get patients but if they ran to time then my toddler wouldn't be bored and fidgety so I'm not taking the blame there!

Overall I feel like the age gap we have is the best thing we ever did.  I love it.  I've got to spend more time with my little girl whilst she's young and I've also got the loveliest little boy on the planet and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for them.  I wish I could go back to that person I was 9 months ago and reassure her but I can't so I just hope that for anyone that is reading this and is in (or will be) in a similar position that this reassures you, you will come through it and find ways to deal with two little ones.  Trust your instincts and try to enjoy them whilst they're little because the time goes by even faster the second time!

Free guilt service with your eye test

I thought I should get my eyes checked before returning to work as I knew that I needed new glasses from the headaches I've been getting lately.  So I went along and had my eyes checked, brilliant but did you know that you can now get a free guilt service along with your eye test? Actually since my eye test was also free I felt like I must have won the lottery or something to be given so many freebies in one morning!  Let me explain about this free service but I will caveat that it probably isn't constrained to opticians I think you can get this service in a variety of places...

Optician "So you're going back to work soon?" 

Me "Yes, next week"

Optician "How many hours will you be on the computer"

Me "8"

Optician "Full time or Part time"

Me "Full time" (just so you get the full effect I pull a sad face here)

Optician "And you say you've got another child? What are you doing with the children"

Me "They're going to nursery"

Optician "Wow, that's expensive isn't it.  It'll hardly be worth going back will it?"

Me "Umm, yes but needs must..." I tail off here because yes we will have hardly any money after but I don't really have a choice and my financial status or lack of is none of her business.  I then decide I must be having a particularly scruffy looking day and obviously look like I can't afford it.

Later on..

Optician looking at my baby "Oh you poor boy, you'll be going to nursery full time you won't see mummy anymore" then looking at me "You're going to miss out on so much, in a year you won't recognise him he'll have changed so much and you will have missed it all"

Me.... Speechless.

So everyone if you want to have the free guilt service with your eye test I can point you in the right direction (ish, I haven't got my new glasses yet!).  And if anyone else has found where else you can get a guilt service do let me know because I do love someone trying to make me feel worse than I already do... Honestly I do, I think it's so brilliantly wonderful that people just speak without thinking and even without having met you before manage to make you feel terrible.  Luckily I just shrugged her off and didn't actually feel guiltier because I know the children are going to have a wonderful time at nursery and learn so much but it's me that's losing out and there is no point worrying about what you can't control.

Would love to hear about any free guilt services you've received too.

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The return to work is here

So today is the eve of my return to work (well eve, eve as I'm returning Tuesday) and I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it.  It feels really different returning this time to when I returned to work last time, not least because last time I was 4 months pregnant!  But also as a second time parent I'm not nervous about my children, it's me that I'm nervous for!

My children will be going to nursery full time.  It's a sad fact and one I wish I could change but under current circumstances this is the way it is and that can't be changed.  The nursery they will go to is the same one that my daughter has been at since 9 months (since I've been on maternity leave she's continued going two days a week) and it is a wonderful nursery.  Last time I was nervous about her attending a nursery, I had in my head a vision of snotty, ill toddlers that were crying most of the time and just doing messy play.  I also had a conversation with a childminder (who I'd turned down) who said she hated the thought of a child going to nursery and "staring at the same four walls all day everyday".  Well none of this could be further from the truth, well apart from the snotty nose thing except they teach them to blow and wipe their noses and dispose
of the tissues!  Their nursery is brilliant and really stimulating.  They have a ballpool, garden with a couple of rabbits, go on walks, have an imaginary room etc, they have a brilliant time there whilst also building really good social skills.  For my daughter at 9 months going to nursery was actually the best thing for her as she was a bit of a mummy's girl and was / is shy in some situations and was starting to get a bit clingy.  Going to nursery was brilliant for her socially as she's not clingy now at all and although she is still shy (that part of her won't change) once she's settled into a place she's herself again.  I wonder if she had gone to a childminder full time if she would have just become clingy to them as well as / instead of me, we'll never know.  Nursery also has some unexpected benefits; they tend to be good eaters, they learn how to use cutlery from a young age, they learned from a young age how to climb and descend stairs safely etc.  So, overall I know the children are going into a really good environment.

The downside to this stimulating environment is the tiredness.  I didn't really realise until I was on maternity leave the second time how much it takes out of them.  I just thought my daughter was grumpy on Saturday's because we weren't stimulating her enough and because the house isn't as child friendly as nursery (therefore she her the word "no" a lot more).  They get so tired that you then lose part of your weekend because they're exhausted from the week that has just been and when children are tired they test boundaries, a lot.  But at least we're prepared for this and I will keep everyone posted on how we deal with this.

Most of all I feel like I'm losing my freedom.  Sure we do certain things on certain days but we have plenty of free time to do what we want, when we want - within reason as you always have to think about nap time! During the week I'm in charge and I can choose who we see, when we see them and what we do and it's lovely.  Don't get me wrong, I love family time at the weekends but I have to compromise what I want to do with what my husband wants to do.  And now during the week if I want to go away I have to request leave and I can't just come and go as I please.  I also won't see my friends and their little ones who I will miss just as much as my two and I'm finding it hard to think about not seeing these lovely little people all the time.  I will make more effort to see people at weekends but it does require effort, when you're all off at the same time it's easy and that's what I've been used to.
In an ideal world I wouldn't work or I'd work part time and still send my children to nursery as there are so many benefits from going but I guess it's the real world and I just need to suck it up and I just need to put my game face on and get on with it.  But the real world sucks doesn't it!!

Love Is...

So the lovely My Petit Canard has tagged me to continue her Love Is... Post.  And so in true blogger commitment here is My Love Is... Post and some tags at the bottom, would be great if we could continue spreading the love over the Valentines season.

There are obvious topics that I could choose to cover in my Love Is... Post; My husband, my children etc... But I've chosen innate objects...

This may sound a bit random but as a parent you soon love random objects that bring strange joy to young children.  Things such as a pack of wipes, who knew wipes could keep little ones occupied for such a long time? Plastic water bottles, children love playing with these and biting them etc.  The list of objects I have new love for goes on:

• The syringe you get in nurofen / calpol.  
• Keys
• Mobile Phone
• Remote Control
• Teaspoons
• My Wallet
• Bottle Lids
• Teething gel tube

The list of my random objects love goes on... It might sound strange but when you find something that keeps your children occupied, especially when they're teething you find a sense of calm and relief that their little hands are busy for once!  I would love to hear what other strange objects people love!

So thanks @mypetitcanard for starting this off! Here's my tagging list.... Look forward to reading some more "Love is..." Posts, over to you.... @awhole9months @wrymummy @lollinski @muddlebymum @hurrahforgin

Swimming Week - Part 2

As you will have read in my first post of "swimming week" I love swimming and my daughter is a true water baby.  But I have been a bit rubbish at taking my son swimming and only did it once in 7 months which I'm not proud of.  He enjoyed this first session when we went at 6 months (he's now 9 months) and loves his bath so when I took him a few weeks ago I wasn't expecting a negative reaction.  However he didn't like it and I think I underestimated the difference in him going into a small, warm bath to going into a big swimming pool. He wasn't happy the whole time we were in there.

I resolved after this to take him every week at least until I returned to work. I took him the following week after our disaster and there was proof that his memory is extending because as soon as we arrived on our second session he started crying in the changing rooms!! But we carried on and went into the pool, determined that we weren't getting out until I at least got a smile... And it worked!  We sang some songs, did some splashing and we even did a few underwater "swims" and he not only smiled but we got giggles too! Result! So I thought I would share a few top tips for taking your little ones swimming, please feel free to let me know of anymore!

• Make sure you take them at a good time of day. IE I usually take my son around 3pm because he's had his long nap so he shouldn't be tired and he has a bottle at 2pm so he won't be hungry. It's worth trying where possible to ensure that they are not near nap time and won't be hungry to ensure they'll be as comfortable as possible. 
• Stay calm! Think swan (project!!), you want to appear calm on the surface even if you're a ball of nerves underneath.  Your child will feed off your mood so calm and happy is the way forward
• Start by having a cuddle with your little one and having a jump around the pool.  If you get splashed at all embrace it! Giving lots of cuddles is reassuring for them in this alien environment and it will help them feel secure.
• You can wash their face to get wet, remember that you can do it too and smile whilst you do it!
• Sing!! Singing is a great way to calm them down especially if they have a favourite song.  It doesn't have to be loud, it can just be calmly sung in their ear so they can hear it and no one else! Singing is a great distraction for them and also gives them something familiar.
• You can move them around on their tummies with your hands under their shoulders and on their backs with their heads on your shoulder.  If your little one is teething then they may not like being on their back so don't force it if they don't like it just change positions.
• Swish them from side to side (vertically but horizontally will work too) as they will like the lightweight feeling and this is actually an amazing trick to calm them down and helped my little boy! I did some swishing with him (my hands under his shoulders, him on his tummy) and this is when he started to relax.
• Don't expect too much too soon, if they're not enjoying it then don't stay make yourselves stay in until they do smile as it may take a few short sessions before they relax and if you stay in too long they'll get cold which will make them even unhappier.
• Have fun!!  Swimming especially at this young age should be about having fun and enjoying yourselves in the water.  It may take a few sessions before they're really having fun in the water so don't force it and just go with the flow.  

Later in the week I will post some more ideas of what to do with your child in the swimming pool as well as what to buy for swimming and how to cope with two little ones in the swimming pool.

Swimming Week - Swimming lessons

Ok, confession time.  I love swimming and always have although, and here is the confession, my first love is actually synchronised swimming.  There's usually laughter at this point which always annoys me from people who have never tried it, it's hard!!  I am and always have been a water baby and this is something my husband and I really want to pass on to our children.  He swam whilst growing up too and we actually met through the university swimming team.  One of my earliest memories is crying on the side of the pool because my brother was having swimming lessons and I was too young to get in (remember in the '80's that lessons started at 5).

We started introducing water to our children like most people do through bathtime. Our daughter hated the first couple of baths but our son has always loved it, I will always wonder if this is because he was born in the water? I've talked about this book before but one of the reasons I love it is that it gives you prompts for bathtime on the appropriate weeks to splash them or put a bit of water over their head.  We did this and also let the children splash lots in the bath to get them used to water.  My second confession is that I'm actually a qualified swimming teacher but I never taught babies to swim before so when my NCT friends booked to do a water babies course I decided to join them. Now if you're a nervous swimmer, nervous about taking your child swimming or taking them under water then I really recommend doing this course.  It's not cheap but it is excellent value for money.  We only did the first course because I had to return to work part the way through the second term but the first course taught us a lot.  I would've taken my children under the water but this gave me the extra confidence to do so and gave some extra tips that I would have never known, such as if a baby is teething they usually don't like being on their back in the water.  I really valued the way they introduce water safety to the babies and how they explain to parents what they're doing and why.  I would really recommend the Water Babies course to parents.

Since I've been on maternity leave I have taken my daughter to local authority swimming lessons at our leisure centre.  I could have avoided these but it was a really cost efficient way to get her swimming and when I'm booked into a class I do attend every week.  From the beginning she was happy to be splashed and go underwater but she has just grown and grown in confidence every week.  She's happy to go jump in, go underwater and splash about.  The only thing these lessons don't have is giving mums confidence and tips to take their children under, some of them come out with dry hair which really frustrates me!!

The Swan Project will be dedicated to swimming all week and I will feature tips for swimming in the next two posts.  If you have any questions or comments then let me know!.

Product Review H&A Bubbly Bath

As I've discussed before bedtime is my favourite time of the day and a big part of this is bath time.  My children both love the bath and have done from a young age, in fact my son has never cried in the bath and has always loved being in the water.  It's been great since he's been old enough to share a bath with his sister and they have their final play time of the day together in the bath.  Since my husband and I love swimming and want our children to love the water we have always encouraged plenty of splashing and squirting with toys in the bath although this sometimes does leave my husband and I wetter than the kids!  But they're having fun and that's the main thing!

My son has quite bad eczema so we have never really added products to the bath unless we can help it because we don't want to dry his skin out anymore.  But when Tots 100 offered the opportunity to try H&A Bubbly Bath I decided to give it a go.  I loved the Disney packing on the bottle we were sent as it had Nemo on the front of it and I'm a sucker for Disney films however my daughter (2) doesn't yet have the attention span for a film.  I have had Finding Nemo on in the background recently though as she played elsewhere in the room so was impressed when she recongised the character.  So come bath time I added the bubbly bath and was really looking forward to seeing the children's faces when they saw a rare treat of a bath full of bubbles.  Sadly this didn't happen as the pictures will show.  I was expecting lots of bubbles or some sort of foam but was disappointed not to see this.  However, this product isn't just about bubbles but about being soft and gentle and is approved by pediatricians and I have to say that is really is soft and gentle.  The product certainly didn't dry my sons skin out and actually felt slightly softer.  This may not sound like a big claim but my sons skin is very coarse at the best of times and has tried all sorts of treatments from the doctor so for something to make even the slightest difference then it's a good product.

So overall, this product isn't a great bubble bath because I didn't see many bubbles! But it is a good product to add to your bath if you want something to soften the water on delicate skin. I've seen that H&A have a Minnie Mouse range which I'm tempted to try as my daughter loves Minnie Mouse at the moment and would bring lots more smiles to bath time!

* I was sent the product to try but all views are my own.

What to buy when your child only wants to wear party dresses!

Christmas and then a January birthday meant that there was plenty of excuses for my two year old daughter to dress up into a party dress.  This now has the consequence that she only want to wear party dresses which to be honest I'm not that upset about except for the fact that it's still cold and she insists on taking off her tights and cardigans!  Luckily I have been able to get her to wear trousers to nursery since they have soft play there and a party dress just isn't practical!

We've been lucky that we do have a good supply of dresses that can fall under the "party dress" umbrella but I thought it would be a good excuse to have a look around at the cutest dresses for girls just in case you have a special occasion coming up or like my daughter you just want to make the everyday a little bit more special!

Joules Rose Print Dress

A gorgeous rose print dress that is very girly without being pink! Love the contrasting red bow.  £39.95

JoJo Maman Bebe Shirt dress

This isn't a traditional "party dress" shape but it makes it more practical (sorry to be boring!). We have a similar dress from The Little White Company and our daughter wore it to a christening last year but it's also versatile enough to be worn day to day as a light summer dress.  This is £18.

Boden Party Dress

I do try and have my daughter in girly clothes but not head to toe in pink but sometimes a dress comes along that just looks right in pink and this is one of those! Again we have a similar one from Next that someone bought for us last year and it looks gorgeous in the summer! We had some family pictures taken with our daughter in this dress and she loves wearing it too! This dress is £38.

Sainsbury's Horse Print Dress

If your little girl loves prints and having things to point at on her dress then she may well love this horse print dress from Sainsbury's.  It's £16.

To see all these dresses and more please check out my Pinterest board

All the Small things

So a couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon mummy never sleeps and in particular her linky about "all the small things".  I love this idea and really think that it's a great idea to take a little bit of time out and give a little bit of space and time to the small things that happen in life because really they may be small but they amount to big things in the end!

Strangely like mummy never sleeps my small things post this week starts with a poo story!  Walking into my 2 year old's room I knew that there was a great big poo waiting for me, it stank! But poo, what's special about that when you're a parent? Well when I turned on the light my daughter and I realised this was no ordinary poo.  Oh dear, she's out of her sleep bag AND it's a leaky nappy! Argh! And cue the crying from my toddler as she realises she has "dirty hands mummy".  It had got everywhere as these things do so everything was stripped and cleaned and she was put in the bath to have a quick shower which she hates.  So, not the best start today but onward we went down to breakfast and all was fine.  In fact it was all "fine" until we got the little one up from his morning nap when she started playing up a little.  This I can cope with but she refused to sit on the step when asked so the whole morning went downhill from there and she gave me those "couldn't give a damn eyes" which got me wound up!!  I was so looking forward to nap time although in typical style she didn't nap!  As the afternoon passed we went out and had a nice day but she still played up some what and a text from my husband around 5.30pm saying he wouldn't make bathtime actually gave me great joy as I decided that a slightly early night was in order.  It was when my husband got home that the small thing happened.  My husband said "oh I'm too late to see the kids, that's a shame" and I thought he was being sarcastic as he knew what type of day I'd had, then he said that he wanted to go in and see our daughter but as she'd just gone down didn't want to disturb her and said that all he really wanted to do at the end of a day at work was see the kids and spend a bit of time with them.  This made me smile, my husband wanted to see our kids and not only see them but spend time with them, even when they're being a little on the naughty side!  I knew this about my husband already, it wasn't a surprise but it was so nice to hear.  I, like most probably often don't take enough time to appreciate my husband and how good he is with our children and how much he loves them so when I heard him say that he wanted to see them I gave him a hug, just a small thing but good none the less!

Friday Favourite... Funky Giraffe bibs

Prior to being a parent my only real encounters with dribble were those embarrassing times that I'd fallen asleep on the train and when my head tipped forward I started to dribble, or when I was pregnant and started dribbling in my sleep (luckily this stopped post baby!!). Now dribble is part of everyday life! Luckily my two aren't actually big dribblers but when you've got no or very little teeth then you're always going to have a certain amount coming out so step in Funky Giraffe bibs.  My friend introduced me to Funky Giraffe with my daughter and I've been a fan ever since, in fact most of my sons Christmas presents were more bibs!

So a little bit more about Funky Giraffe... These bibs are incredibly soft which is important next to delicate skin especially on my son who has particularly bad eczema around his neck.  

They close with poppers! Now this will sound like a small thing but I suddenly have a big hatred of Velcro! It's so annoying.... It pulls on clothes and has ruined a couple of jumpers, it pulls on clothes in the wash and on bibs no matter how well you try and close the pieces together it seems to always irritate the neck and leave a red mark.  With these bibs that doesn't happen!

The next best bit is the designs! We have a selection of plain white, red and grey as it's always useful to match outfits but we also have a few designed ones.  You can get animals, stars, VW camper vans and even seasonal bibs!!  We have a great selection of bibs and you can have great fun with them!

 Now the best bit is the price and just to lure you in the more you buy the cheaper they get! They are £4 each but you can buy 20 for £20.50 which is a £19.50 discount!!

These are brilliant bibs for babies or toddlers who love to dribble or even as a present for a friend with a baby, useless but good looking gifts are always welcome!

Do you have a favourite design? Would love to see them!